


Donuts and Therapy Sessions

by TheBean170



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Also Sad Lappy but she gets better, F/F, Fusion, Happy Lappy, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Title makes sense near the end, Working it Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 13:44:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21303053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBean170/pseuds/TheBean170
Summary: Lapis is tired of suffering from her problems. She wants to get help, but she just doesn't feel like anyone really understands how she really feels.Maybe Peridot can offer her a solution. An unconventional one at that.
Relationships: Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 92





	Donuts and Therapy Sessions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheCopperDragonBard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCopperDragonBard/gifts).

> This originally was an idea born in the Lapidot Cafe discord, but I realized it would make a perfect gift for an author who has already given so much to me already. So my friend, this is for you! Told you I would pay you back.

Lapis always liked the "high risers."

That's what she called the tallest buildings in Little Homeworld. The towering spires that rose high above the other structures in the little town, filled with who knows what. The blue gem never knew, she only helped to build them, never to purpose them.

She liked sitting on the very top of them, high enough where the wind was nice but not rough, where she could enjoy the peace and quiet. Sometimes all the hustle and bustle of Little Homeworld got to her.

Today, however, she was up there for a different reason.

Despite her recent improvement to her emotions, sometimes spirals of feeling would slam into her with the force of a hurricane, and she would have to distance herself from others to try and calm down.

Her mind still harbored a small but volatile mix of emotions and thoughts, ones she could never truly resolve and instead decide to tuck them away so neither she, nor anyone else would never deal with them.

Lapis let a huff escape her as she rocked her feet back and forth over the edge of the building, gazing down to the small little Gems that walked down the street below.

It wasn't like she didn't want to solve those troubling emotions.

She tried talking to Steven and Peridot, two of her closest friends, about these problems before. They'd both had offered to try and resolve these issues, but every time they'd talk she'd get frustrated and unable to continue.

She wasn't frustrated with their efforts though, no. She was frustrated with her own inability to convey how she felt.

Lapis readjusted herself on the edge, spreading her wings to use as support to lean back.

She just didn't feel that the words she used were able to show her real emotions and troubles. They always undersold her feelings or failed to explain the complexity of the situation. What was she supposed to do, get the others to read her mind?

"Ugh... I'm an idiot." She grumbled to herself, her thoughts still swirling in her head like the water in her wings.

This was the third time this month she had been up here. She wanted to change, she really did, but...

How?

Lapis was about to resign herself to another hour of sulking when she heard the sound of metal moving through the air.

She looked behind herself to see Peridot, floating atop her classic "movement disc" (a trash can lid), and setting down on the rooftop.

Lapis immediately turned back around, not wanting to face the green gem while in such a state.

She heard Peridot approach her on hesitant footsteps. "Lapis? Are you okay?" She asked in a soft voice.

The blue gem almost wanted to laugh. Was she okay? She wasn't quite sure. It was almost like it flipped on a dime sometimes. One day she was living the dream, her friends by her side in a future she helped build. The next day, she was stuck in the past with her thoughts locking her to solidarity.

She settled a small shrug instead of all that.

She heard more hesitant footsteps before seeing Peridot sit down next to her out of the corner of her eye, dangling her feet over the edge like her companion.

"I... I came to talk." Peridot said, fiddling with her hands.

"We've already tried talking. It doesn't help." Lapis responded in a deadpan voice, although hearing the wince coming from the green gem made her regret that.

"I just, well... I just want you to be happy. And comfortable with your thoughts." She explained, looking over to the ocean gem.

"Just give me another hour. I'll be back to 'happy Lappy' after that." The other explained, leaning forward and resting her arms on her knees.

Se heard a noise of frustration next to her before her companion spoke up again. "No, that's not what I'm talking about! All you would be doing is stuffing down those horrible emotions and pretending to be happy again! I want... I want you to be actually happy. Actually comfortable." She said, her emotion in the beginning dying down near the end.

Lapis side glanced Peridot, her face expressing sadness and guilt. "What can we do, Peridot? We've tried talking before, both you and Steven have tried to understand my problems, but you just can't seem to. And it's not your fault, it... I just can't get you to understand them like I do."

She saw Peridot become visibly more nervous, fidgeting in place and wringing her hands. But it didn't seem like she was nervous from the atmosphere. No, it seemed like she was nervous from something else.

"I... may have a solution. To that predicament." She finally said.

Lapis let out a breathy laugh. "What, you finally invent a mind reading device?"

"W-Well, no. But I did have a... proposition of sorts," Peridot scooted closer to Lapis. "You kept mentioning that it was a lot easier to 'feel' your emotions rather than explain them, so I talked with Garnet and Steven, and had an idea. What if I just felt your emotions as well? That way I could get a much better understanding of where you're coming from."

"And how're you gonna do that, huh?"

"..."

Lapis watched as a dark green blush enveloped the smaller gem's face, her eyes darting nervously from side to side.

"W-Well, it's an unconventional idea, and i-it may be a bit jarring. A-And keep in mind it's j-just a suggestion. No one's f-forcing you to make a c-choice here!" I-"

"C'mon, Peri," Lapis said with a chuckle, amused at her friends behavior. "Just spit it out."

"Fusion!"

Suddenly, it got very quiet, and Peridot squeezed her eyes shut in preparation for rejection.

Lapis's amusement disappeared, and her face turned to one of confusion and even slight discomfort.

"W-What did you say?" She asked, her voice slightly colder this time.

Peridot popped her eyes open, glanced at Lapis, and then took a deep breath to try and calm her nerves, which did nothing of the sort. "I-I was talking to Garnet, about the aspects of fusion, and she said that Gems participating in fusion not only share their thoughts, b-but their emotions as well. So I thought that maybe, if we f.... if we fused, I could better understand your emotions, and as such help you through them!" She explained, showing clear nervousness when it came to the idea.

The blue gem's face changed yet again. No confusion, but still slight discomfort. She stayed quiet for quite a while, wrapping her arms around herself as she thought long and hard about this proposition.

Peridot's tune immediately changed upon seeing this. "O-Or we don't have to! Like I said, just a suggestion. I-In fact, maybe we should just forget about this. It was a dumb idea. I'll be going. You don't have to wor-"

"Let's try."

The green technician immediately quieted down.

"W-Wait, are you sure?"

Lapis slowly got up from where she was standing, taking a few steps away from the edge. "Yes. Let's try. I'm tired of being like this Peri, tired of always sulking. Any solution is a good solution, I want to fix my problems, I..." She took a long, deep breath before continuing. "I want to be happy."

Peridot immediately bolted to her feet, walking towards Lapis and standing in front of her.

"O-Okay. When would you like to start?" She asked, twirling her thumbs around each other.

"Well... you're here right now, aren't you?"

Saying that, Lapis watched as Peridot immediately tensed up, erupting into a blush in a fashion so amusing she might've laughed if she wasn't overwhelmed with the decision she just made.

"Y-Yes, I am available currently. If you'd like to start now."

"I'd prefer... if we'd start as soon as possible.

She didn't want her fear of fusion to catch up with her.

"Okay then... Uh, I brought my tablet if you'd like music for the... process." Peridot said, levitating her tablet over from the trash can lid, laying right where she had landed.

"That... That works." Lapis said.

Peridot began looking through the songs she had downloaded on her tablet, methodically choosing the one that would hopefully being her companion the most comfort. She finally settled on a slow song, pressing the play button and levitating the tablet away from their general vicinity.

The music filled the air as Peridot placed her hands on Lapis's shoulder and Lapis placed her hands on Peridot's hips. The two started slowly dancing and moving to the music.

Peridot immediately noticed the tense posture and look on her companion's face, one that had her eyes glued to the ground and not facing the green gem. "Hey, if you aren't comfortable with this, we don't have to go further." She said in a whisper.

Lapis looked up from the ground into Peridot's eyes. "No no, it... I'm fine. We can keep going." She rushed to say, trying to force her nerves to control themselves.

"Okay. Just please make sure to tell me if something is making you uncomfortable."

"I will."

The two kept dancing away atop the high riser, gently swaying as the music continued to fill the air with a calming melody.

Lapis let out steady breaths, soon feeling herself calm and relax in Peridot's hold. Her mind was still a mess of discomfort, but no longer was she terrified beyond belief.

_'Well, I guess if I had to do this idea with anybody, I'm glad it's Peridot. No real... pressure, in a sense.'_ She thought to herself as she danced.

She spared a glance at Peridot's face, and almost giggled. The green gem was in deep concentration, trying to maintain the rhythm and tempo of the dance. Truly, an adorable sight for the taller gem to see.

Then, her gem began to glow.

The blue gem's face was bathed in green light, and the terror that had left her briefly returned. She started to stumble in her steps, and soon enough her distracted mind let to her tripping on her own feet, falling backwards towards the ground.

However, before she could even touch the floor, hands quickly tucked under her back, supporting her and keeping her from completely falling over. She looked to see that Peridot had grabbed hold of her, recreating a sort of dipped position.

"It's okay. I gotcha." Peridot said, still holding on.

And in that moment, Lapis felt oddly safe. Secure in those arms, holding her gently. She felt protected by Peridot, who had acted as soon as she saw Lapis falling backwards, who made sure she was still comfortable during this whole ordeal, who cared enough to approach her with this whole idea, who made her feel comfortable to the best of her ability.

She felt safe.

"Thank you." Lapis said, placing her hand on Peridot's shoulder.

And then, the two of them were enveloped in a bright glow.

~◇~

She... No, _they_ opened their eyes.

That was certainly correct. They didn't feel like a _she_, like one person. Not yet, anyways. Rather, they felt like two people, sharing the same body and mindscape.

An uncomfortably familiar feeling.

They looked down at themselves, immediately noticing the turquoise-green skin that enveloped their new form. They now had four arms, two on each side of their body, which they used to briefly glide over their form.

They noticed the strange outfit their fusion now wore. Lapis's golden sandals and Peridot's boots were gone, their feet now completely free. Their pants still had the gold ribbon that held them up before, but now they ended in what appeared to be... bell bottoms. Hmm.

Their top half had a small white "t-shirt," which had a small brown vest with gold highlights on top. Their shirt had what appeared to be three geometric shapes in the form of a... maple leaf?

Oh stars, it really happened. They had fused.

Their legs wobbled slightly as worries began filling their mind. Lapis's side was surely getting to the both of them.

_'W-We.... W-We...'_

_'L-Lapis, it's okay! It's just you and me here, we're fine!'_

_'Just... you. A-And me. We're fine.'_

The fusion took a deep breath, slowly steadying out. They opened their eyes again.

"S-So, we did it," they said. "We actually fused... I never expected it to feel this way. Well, it's certainly... different from my first fusion. Stars, it's weird to speak like this."

They couldn't see it, but their wild hair flowed in the wind, still keeping the triangular shape of Peridot's, but messy and wavy like Lapis's.

The visor was still there, now rounded out and more smooth than the original, covering their eyes; one ocean blue and the other emerald green.

They kept looking around themselves, identifying the new aspects of themselves.

"I feel tall. Heh, of course that's what you'd think of next. Hey, give me some credit here, I've never done this before!" She talked to herself, a smile now adorning her face.

Inside their mind, however, they could still identify a lingering discomfort, hidden in the back of their mind. Part of them didn't know what that discomfort meant.

The other part identified it all too well.

"Shall we begin? If you want. Well, technically it's if _you _want. Oh, right. Well, I guess we can start now." They said to themselves, their voices not quite a mix but rather layered on top of themselves.

They walked over towards the edge, sitting down where Lapis had sat before.

"So... what do I have to do? Well, just, you know, start feeling? Express your emotions exactly how you feel them. We can start wherever you'd like." She told herself, trying to get comfortable.

_'Don't worry, Lapis. You're safe to express your emotions. I'm here for you.'_

_'Right... I'm safe. Let's start.'_

And so they 'talked'. They conversed entirely in the mind, their mouth never opening for conversation save for the occasional noise from Peridot's part. Their eyes slid shut even as they retreated entirely to their own mind for a moment.

And, despite her preconceptions about fusion, Lapis could feel it working.

For the first time in forever, it felt like someone was actually listening. Like she was actually being understood in what she meant. Peridot 'listened' intently to every emotion and thought that passed through their shared consciousness. She would stay silent and 'heard,' only till the end where she would offer her own comments to what she had just felt.

Lapis felt like every thought and emotion Peridot felt was a weight off her shoulders. Of course, she made sure go streamline such emotions, taking extra care not to overwhelm the smaller gem. They were her true emotions, but rather than forcing Peridot to feel them with her, she just allowed her to glance inside her mind and see what she 'saw' everyday.

They had mainly focused on the Crystal Gems, the mirror, and stealing Earth's oceans. It was one of her first, major emotional issues that had plagued her, yet Peridot was there with her all the way through, understanding as always.

Eventually, their fusion spoke again. "Hmm. Lapis, if I may, can I speak to you face to face? Oh, um... sure."

The fusion stood up and backed away from the edge. A soft glow enveloped their form before it dissipated, leaving the blue and green Gems in the same dipped position as before.

Lapis slowly stood up while Peridot let go of her back and stepped back got face her properly.

"That was certainly... an experience. I have never felt anything like that before. Such a unique experience, sharing a mind and form like that." Peridot commented, her blush still heavy on her face.

"Y-Yeah, I've never felt it... that way before. It was certainly better than the last time." Lapis said, grabbing her arm shyly.

Truth be told, the whole experience had been almost overwhelming for the blue gem. Sharing a fusion like that, especially with her past experiences with the activity, almost caused her to unfuse with the shorter gem almost immediately.

Yet, the safe and protected feeling that the fusion brought with them, that Peridot brought with them, was enough to keep them together and whole.

"I'm glad to hear that. But I digress. Lapis, I'm really glad you chose to do that with me. It was very enlightening to see your emotions from a certain... first hand perspective, if you will," The green gem continued.

"Well, I'm really glad you let me share with you like that. It was really... relieving, in a sense. Thank you for that." Lapis thanked, her own blushing rising to her skin.

"If possible... I'd like to do this again. Perhaps tomorrow or another day? I believe it's healthier for you to talk about these issues more."

"Y... Yeah. We can do this again. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe the day after."

"Of course! But now, let me offer my comments on the situation..."

~◇~

The days went on, and the two Gems kept fusing and feeling and talking to each other. Lapis kept on listing out many problems that had plagued her, including her life before the Gem War and how she got caught up in the conflict.

Peridot kept offering comments and solutions to the situations Lapis found herself in, which the blue gem took to heart. She had talked over her mirror conflict with the main three Crystal Gems, something she hadn't done over fear of ruining her standing with them. She talked with Bismuth and other old Crystal Gems about life before the war, about how to move on.

Peridot noticed that, with each day of fusion therapy, Lapis seemed happier. More relaxed, more joyous. It made her feel proud of herself, all warm and fuzzy inside.

Yet, there were some rough patches.

The day they discussed Malachite, their fusion was always on the brink of unfusing the entire time. Their arms were wrapped tightly around their form as Lapis emoted as much pain from the experience as she though Peridot could handle. Through the method of fusion, Peridot didn't quite feel these emotions, rather observed them, but that didn't mean she was immune to the sharing. She felt her own 'eyes', metaphorically speaking, prick up with tears as she observed Lapis's retelling.

Yet... They stayed together. Peridot was always there in their mind to comfort them, to remind them that they weren't Malachite, but rather something completely new and safe.

Once unfusing, Lapis had to take a breather. She stepped away from Peridot and leaned over, putting her hands on her knees and taking deep, slow breaths.

They didn't fuse for a while after that, but they did stay together after that, talking about what to do about the issue.

Eventually, Lapis (accompanied by Bismuth and Peridot) went to talk to Jasper.

They both agreed that they had been at fault, that each of them had a part in the toxic relationship. But, they also agreed that they could move on. That the only way to keep moving was to move away from the experience.

Lapis found it, somewhere deep in herself, to apologize to Jasper. Jasper, although somewhat reluctant, apologized to Lapis.

Lapis agreed to a secondary normal therapy session with Garnet, talking about what had happened with Malachite.

And after that, Lapis seemed like a new person.

A happier person, one far more comfortable with her life, with her emotions. She was laid back, joyous.

And yet...

Their fusion didn't feel like that. Not quite.

~◇~

"Lovely day today, Peridot."

Peridot looked up from her tablet to see Garnet, standing in front of her with a smile on her face.

"Oh, Garnet! Pleasure to see you. What brings you to Little Homeworld?" Peridot responded curtly, closing the article she had open on her tablet about 'Self Worth.'

"I actually came to talk to you. Care to accompany to the Big Donut?"

"Oh, of course."

The two of them began walking towards a nearby Warp Pad, leaving towards the shoreside of Beach City. They walked over to the restaurant in question, taking a seat at one of the outside tables.

"So, Peridot. How have things been going recently?" Garnet asked, placing one leg on top of the other and resting her hands on her knees.

"Oh, smoothly! Final touches on Little Homeworld are being put into place, and I've been able to begin on new Meep-Morp projects with all the free time!" Peridot expressed, resting her hands on the table.

"Hmm. That's good to hear. How have your sessions with Lazuli been going?" Garnet said, a slightly knowing tone in her voice.

Peridot's smile faltered for a moment before she regained her grin. "Oh, they've been going excellently! Lapis and I have been working through many aspects of her life. She's certainly made progress over the past couple days."

"She has shown an improvement."

Garnet looked away from Peridot towards the skyline of the hills. Peridot looked in the same direction to try and see what had captured Garnet's attention.

She saw her. Lapis, flying through the air without a care in the world. She couldn't see her clearly, she was farther away after all, but she knew a wide smile adorned her face.

"Yes, she certainly has." Peridot said, her own smile widening at her friend's happiness.

Friend… with what they had been doing, it seemed like that word didn't quite fit anymore.

"How has she been during your sessions?" The green gem asked, returning to face the permafusion and pushing away those other thoughts.

"Oh, she's definitely been eager to improve. Her feelings around fusion has certainly been shifting towards the positive."

"That's great news!"

"Yes... She owes a lot of that to you, you know."

Peridot stopped, startled by the other's statement.

"Your fusion with her, those 'therapy' sessions, they've shown her a type of fusion she's never experienced herself: a healthy one. It's helped tremendously with her mental state." Garnet explained.

"Wow, that... That's really good to hear."

"Yes, it is... But one thing I have to reiterate to her is that fusion is like a conversation. A participation between two parts to form a whole. It only works if both parts are participating."

"Yes, I remember you telling me this when we talked la-"

"You haven't been participating, Peridot."

The green gem froze in place. The words caught in her throat as she heard what the permafusion said.

"You've been keeping your own issues from her, Peridot. Your own problems have been hidden and left ambiguous to her, and she can feel it. She's been mentioning how your fusion has been giving off the same emotions that she felt before the sessions started. One of the both of you still have issues to work through, and it seems like Lapis is no longer the main contributing factor."

"H-How di... That's not true! I-I'm happy, I feel fine!" Peridot yelled defensively.l

"Peridot, she cares about you. If she learns that you've been keeping your own problems from her, it can create conflict in her and your fusion. Why do you feel the need to hide your problems from her?" Garnet asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Be... Because this isn't meant for me. This meant for her to get better, for her to improve. We can worry about my problems later. She's my focus right now."

"Peridot, keeping your own issues from her could cause issues of its own. Is that what you want for Lapis?"

Peridot crossed her arms, staying silent. She was refusing to answer.

"Do you not trust her?"

The green gem quickly looked back to Garnet, surprise on her face. "N-No, of course I do! It... I just want her to feel safe. It doesn't matter if I... If I..."

"Peridot, Lapis cares very deeply about you. You don't think she'd be more than willing to help you through your own issues?"

"It's not her responsibility to-"

"It wasn't yours either, but you did it because you wanted to. If she wants to help you, you should let her. She cares about you, Peridot. You can let her care about you.”

“I…”

Peridot gave pause to think. She took it in. Let it sit in her head.

She really wanted to keep her problems away from Lapis. The blue gem had been through so much that the technician didn’t want to pile on her own emotional issues on top of all that. She could get help later, the focus at that point was Lapis.

But… She remembered the last time that she bottled up her emotions. That didn’t turn out well.

And then she remembered the time when she sat down to talk with Lapis about what had happened. About the lying, about fleeing to the moon.

It had been nice for the both of them, allowing them to talk to each other honestly about their problems. Sure, they still reserved a lot of problems from each other at that point. But it was a start.

The fusion therapy was par for the course. And Peridot was the one trying to run away this time.

Maybe… it was time to open up?

“I… appreciate the advice, Garnet. Perhaps it-”

Her sentence was interrupted a loud ‘wahoo’ coming from the distance. Peridot and Garnet looked up to see the blob possibly identified as Lapis approach at a fast pace. She touched down by the other two Gems, blowing a tiny bit of dust up with her wings.

“Heeeeyyyy Peri!” Lapis said, a wide smile on her face. “How’s it- Oh, hey Garnet! What’re you doing here?”

Garnet had put back on her classic look of mixed neutrality and peacefulness. “Hello, Lapis. I’m just having a conversation with Peridot. I see you’re in a happy mood.” She responded with a slight grin.

“Yeah, just got done with a long flight. Stars, even flying feels amazing nowadays, and I’ve been doing it since forever now!” Lapis responded, before turning to Peridot. “Speaking of which, ready to go?”

Peridot looked at her companion with a confused face. “Ready for… Oh wait, yes! Yes, we can go now.”

“Great!” Lapis scooped Peridot up into a bridal-style hold, causing the smaller gem to blush slightly.

“Goodbye Garnet. T… Thank you for the talk.” Peridot said to the permafusion.

Garnet nodded, and with that Lapis flapped her wings once and soaring into the air.

Peridot kept a slight hold on Lapis’s neck while they flew over the landscape below them. She took in the sights of the buildings and people, how they seemed so much smaller and peaceful from up here.

“What were you and Garnet talking about?” Lapis asked nonchalantly, looking down at Peridot.

Peridot thought about what to say. “Life. And how things are going in general.” She finally settled on.

“That’s nice. Things have been going pretty good haven’t they?”

“Y-Yeah…”

Soon enough, the duo finally reached the building where they held their fusion sessions. Lapis touched down carefully, gently letting Peridot out of her arms before dissipating her wings.

Lapis gave a quick stretch of her arms, grunting in relief as her back cracked. “Ah, that’s better. Ready to rumble, Peri?”

At that, Peridot gave a gentle smile. It was so warming to hear Lapis use so many funny idioms and see her so happy. It made her glad that they were making so much progress with the blue gem.

And then she realized how little progress she had made with her own issues. And that made the smile disappear.

“Uh, wait… Lapis, before we start, can I ask you something?” She nervously said,

Lapis let her arms down to her side, her smile going down slightly. “ Uh, yeah. Of course you can, what’s up?”

“Lapis, y… you trust me, right?”

The blue gem looked taken aback. “Wha… O-Of course I trust you, Peridot. I don’t think I would’ve agreed to fusion if I didn’t trust you.” She said, almost sounding betrayed at the question. “Do you… think I don't trust you?”

Clod, that was not where Peridot wanted that to go. “Nonono, I believe you trust me! I haven't felt a moment where you've seemed untrustworthy." She quickly said to try and repair the situation.

“Then… Why did you ask me that?”

“I... Well… See, the thing is… No, wait, I…”  
  


And suddenly, Peridot could see what Lapis meant when she said it was easier to feel than to talk. In that moment, it was so hard to accurately express her current mental state.

So, instead, she offered her hand.

"I think… it would be clearer to explain like this." She said timidly.

Lapis looked at the hand with confusion, clearly wondering what the smaller gem meant, until it dawned on her. And as she finally understood, she took the other's hand into hers.

They danced and swayed, uninhibited by the lack of music. It had become so easy to fuse without it, recently.

With a glow of light, they stood silently. They didn't move, not yet.

"Now, what exactly has you so tense?" They said, speaking to themselves.

From within their fusion, the part that still struggled debated on whether to incorporate her other half into her issues, to inconvenience her with her problems.

But then she thought on what Garnet had said. If Lapis cared about her, then she wouldn't see that as an inconvenience, but rather a chance to help.

She made a decision.

The fusion itself let out a distressed gasp as it felt a few of the emotions one part was feeling flowed into form, allowing the other part to finally see what was wrong.

"Y… You're hurting." They said, sitting down on the edge of the building. Both sets of their arms wrapped around their form protectively.

"Why didn't you tell me? Because… I didn't want to… bother you with it. Your were making so much progress and I didn't want to bring that down with my own detriments…”

A feeling of shame passed through the fusion as Peridot began feeling embarra/ssed for expressing her true emotions. She tried to quickly hide these feelings and take back what she had expressed, but before she could do that, their fusion spoke again.

“Peri, don’t…. Don't ever feel like you have to hide your feelings for my sake. We talked about this before, your feelings matter just as much as mine! I-I know, but… you were doing so well…" They said to themselves.

_'This thing we're doing, fusion itself, it goes both ways. That's what Garnet's been telling me.'_

_'I… I don't know if it's worth it. To waste time on me like that.'_

_'... You're always worth it to me, Peridot. You've helped me so much. Let me help you back. Talk to me.'_

The fusion adjusted themselves on the edge of the building, their hands taking on more Peridot mannerisms like fidgets and twirling of thumbs.

It was Lapis's turn to help. It was Peridot's turn to heal.

~◇~

It had been three weeks since that moment.

Lapis had been nothing but caring and understanding to Peridot, listening to all the issues that plagued her and trying to help her through them to the best of her ability. Now that her own problems had been cleared up, it had been so much easier to give help to others, especially someone so close to her.

Self worth. That was the biggest issue present. Peridot had many issues with her own self esteem and feeling worth the effort. They had started long before she had even became a Crystal Gem, but they had been getting worse as she ignored them. She seemed ashamed of her smaller form, of her powers not being as strong as others. She would take on many different projects and assignments from others in an attempt to feel needed. However, the feeling was always fleeting.

She felt weak. Unworthy of her title, like she was just a footnote.

Lapis didn't believe that was true. Not for a second. And she made that well known.

She reminded Peridot of everything she's done for her family. The help she's given to the Crystal Gems, both before she had acclimated up until their battle on Homeworld. How she's given help to the planet Earth, saving it from the Cluster and then standing up to the Diamonds when they first invaded Beach City. And not to mention the monumental help she had given to Lapis's own mental state, something no other creature had been able to achieve. She explained how it didn't matter whether she had limb enhancers or whether her former Diamond had valued her.

What mattered was she was still here and just as valued as any other Crystal Gem.

Lapis had been nothing but caring and understanding to Peridot, listening to all the issues that plagued her and trying to help her through them to the best of her ability. Now that her own problems had been cleared up, it had been so much easier to give help to others, especially someone so close to her.

It took time, of course, as it had with Lapis. Many time Peridot seemed to get discouraged with herself, but Lapis was always there to back her up.

Eventually, progress started to show.

Peridot's mood slowly improved over those three weeks. She looked happier, far more comfortable with herself. She began seeing herself as an equal with her other friends. She still occupied herself with jobs, but now it was because she enjoyed them, or because she actually wanted something to do.

This very notably showed in their fusion.

Their mindscape no longer felt uncomfortable, like it was plagued with problems and issues of the past. The fog that had surrounded their thoughts cleared as the two parts of a whole slowly improved.

Now their fusion felt safe. Comfortable, like a warm embrace given by the person you care about the most.

It felt like home.

And with this feeling, came change.

~◇~

It had been a day like any other.

The two Gems had fused once more, sitting atop a high riser while relaxing in the afternoon sun. They hadn't fused for therapy this time around. Come to think of it, in more recent days they hadn't fused for that reason at all. No, nowadays they mainly fused because they enjoyed it, they enjoyed being with each other.

Today was no different. That feeling was ever strong, beating deep within their form.

They sat on the edge of the building, swinging their legs back and forth as they talked to each other. They had long gotten used to the confusion method of speech after fusing so many times.

"Oh, and then I helped Bismuth put the final touches on the last few structures in the south corner! Some of the scaffolding almost fell on me, but I held it up," They said, finishing up describing the exciting day Peridot had finishing up the Little Homeworld project.

"Sounds like an exciting day. I take it Little Homeworld is complete, then? Yep, one hundred percent and at peak efficiency! That's great!"

A soft smile stayed on their face as they took in the fresh air, cool and crisp as the seasons turned to Autumn.

"So, what did you get up to today? Oh, well I took a little flight through the countryside, found this huge field of sunflowers. I went to check up on our own garden, and then went down to the beach with Steven. Wow, what a day! Yeah, it was pretty good."

They stayed silent again, not because they didn't want to talk or had nothing else to talk about, but rather simply enjoying the feeling their fusion brought them.

They stared out ahead at the setting sun fading away on the horizon, watching as the sky was bathed in warm colors of reds and oranges.

"The sky is quite beautiful at this time of day, isn't it Lazuli? Yeah, it's spectacular how it looks right now." They said, admiring the beauty of Earth.

_'Sorta… Sorta like you.'_

The thought had passed through their head in a flash, but this one was different. Neither part could tell where their thought ended and the other one began. Almost as if they had been perfectly in sync.

"Hey… I just wanted to thank you. For everything you've done for me. You've been so kind and patient with me, helping through everything, and I appreciate that more than anything. You mean so much to me." The same thing happened there. Neither part could figure out who had said that, almost as if they had both said it, at the same time with the same meaning.

"Thank you…"

But those concerns faded immediately, replaced by a deep feeling of safety, comfort. They were filled by emotions that kept them together, like they were enveloped in an aura of caring.

And in an instant, their form as enveloped again by a glow of light.

~♡~

They... No, _she_ opened her eyes.

That was certainly correct. She didn't feel like a _they_, like two people sharing something. Rather, she felt like one singular being, a thought. An experience

A familiar yet comforting feeling.

But, why would it matter if she was two people? She wasn't two people, she was one person.

Right?

Well, perhaps more importantly, who was _she?_

She seemed to be sitting on the edge of a building, surrounded by a nighttime sky filled with hundreds of stars. She got up and backed away from the edge.

She looked down at herself, immediately noticing the turquoise-green skin she bore on her form. She had four arms, two to each side, which she brought into view of her eyes.

She wore a strange outfit on herself. Barefoot, baggy bell bottom pants, brown vest with gold highlights, and a white t-shirt with a maple leaf on it all adorned her form. It was fascinating to look at herself.

Then, a nagging fear arose from her core.

It originated somewhere deep inside her, like a memory from a past she couldn't quite recall. It made her nervous, uncomfortable. She looked at her form as if she were trapped in it.

And then, a new feeling.

A feeling of safety, calm. From another part, still one with her yet different from the other one. The two parts communicated through these feelings, as if they were two people talking.

Whatever those parts were, though, she didn't know. But eventually, the fear went away, replaced once again by a sense of curiosity.

"W...Who am I?" She spoke, her voice serene yet oddly pitched. It was a tone unique to her, not two layered voices but rather one unified sound.

A thought deep within her being arose. A name, one she didn't remember yet always knew to be true.

"T-Turquoise? My name is… Turquoise." She spoke, a bit of confidence seeping in at the end.

She looked around the roof she was on, trying to find something or someone to tell her who she was and what she was doing there.

A new thought arose in herself. It was hesitant at first, but grew stronger as both parts agreed on it. She shouldn't worry about that. She was just there to _be. _No hidden agenda or motive, just _be._

Turquoise decided she was fine with that.

She stepped closer to the edge of the building, gasping at the sight. She saw a small metropolis, stretching across the land filled with bright lights and tons of little people walking the streets. Gems, part of her informed, that's who inhabited this place.

"This place… it's so beautiful!" She exclaimed, a wide smile on her face as one of her arms reached out, almost to try and grasp at the landscape before her

This place seemed so new, so strange and foreign, yet somehow it also seemed familiar, like a home she had built herself. She wanted to see it all, and both of her parts encouraged her to do so.

Exciting yet comforting, well now she just had to explore this place!

She lifted her foot forward and was prepared to take a step towards the lights when she barely remembered just how high up she was. She replanted her foot firmly on the edge and stared.

"Well, darn. How am I supposed to get down? I mean, I got up here somehow, right?" She said, a frustrated look on her face.

Her four arms all adopted different positions. Her lower two placed themselves on her hips, her upper left crossing itself over her chest, and her upper right tapping her head pensively.

She puzzled over this thought for a good minute. The more reasonable part of her came up with a complex solution of planning out routes, exploring the area, and trying to solve the issue rationally.

But the other part, the more expressive, free thinking part, gave her a simple answer.

"F..Fly? I know how to fly?!" She exclaimed.

Well, the thought had surprised her at first. But then it felt as if it was a simple fact, as if she had known she could fly her entire life.

"Right. Of course I can fly. Why didn't I think of that before." She said, smacking her head lightly as the rest of arms rested at her side.

She closed her eyes, breathing deeply to concentrate on activating this supposed power of flight. She thought, for some odd reason, she would just start levitating into the air as if gravity herself couldn't affect her.

What happened next shocked her more.

From her back sprouted two wings of water, causing her eyes to snap open and her head to turn and try to see them. Instead of shapeless blobs, like most forms water takes, she saw shapely, almost angelic wings of liquid, extended out and ready to be used.

One of her hands moved behind her back to feel something, Turquoise didn't know what. She felt it, a small round gemstone, in the shape of a raindrop.

"There… should be another one, right?" She didn't know where that thought came from (She was starting to get used to all these sudden and new thoughts), all she knew was that it was true.

Her hand moved away from her back towards her forehead, finding another gemstone there too. A triangular one, with a more linear cut than the other one.

Somehow, this discovery brought her relief.

Looking back at her wings, she concentrated on them, giving an experimental flap before finally understanding how they work.

"Okay, I think I got the hang of this. About time we go explore this small town, ey?" She said to herself.

She leapt from the building, shouting in how as she took off through the air.

She soared through the skies, marveling at the sights, the sounds, and even the smells of the little city below her.

"Little… Homeworld, right?" Another distant memory from within arose. "Yeah, that's a nice name."

She kept on flying, seeing dozens of places she wanted to touch down and explore. However, as she looked both below and to her sides, a new sight drew her attention almost immediately.

A beachfront, stretching on the horizon farther away from the city.

The ocean beyond it captivated her. It seemed like it was calling out to Turquoise, beckoning her. Yet, the waves and the dark blue seemed ominous and strange, like a secret was kept buried under the expanse.

That place, oddly enough, seemed far more interesting than the illustrious site underneath her.

She changed her course, flying away from Little Homeworld and towards this new seaside.

As she flew farther away, passed the cliffside and towards the sand, a new town came into view. This town was much smaller compared to Little Homworld, yet somehow had its own charm to it.

She surveyed these smaller, quaint buildings, their lights still on yet not as bright. Smaller people, different from Gems. Humans, she finally figured.

She kept flying around this beach town, looking around for anything noticeable. She eventually stopped when she saw a peculiar building with what looked like a round donut in the roof.

Of course, Turquoise didn't know what a donut actually was, but the object still captured her attention. She set back down on the ground near the building, her wings dissipating back into her gem.

She walked up to the front door, looking up briefly to read the text she had noticed on the face of the building.

"The Big… Donut?" She looked back to the door. "Well, the lights seem to be on! Maybe there's somebody inside."

She walked towards the door to open it before realizing that the top of the door was actually slightly below the top of her head. She would need to duck down if she wanted to go inside.

"Odd… I didn't think I was really that tall." She looked down at her form once more. An odd feeling that she had been shorter before passed through her like Deja Vu.

Brushing the thought away, she opened the door and ducked slightly, entering the shop.

The first thing she noticed was the layout of the shop. A few containers and machines labeled with weird names were at her right side, pressed up against the wall. They were filled with weird packages, swirling liquids, and for some odd reason Turquoise could sense the presence of ice in one of the machines.

The second thing she noticed was the countertop display in front of her, filled with objects the same shape as the round thing outside of the building, all lined up in a nest fashion. A bigger display of those round objects was behind the display in little baskets.

And the third thing she noticed was the human behind the counter.

He was far shorter than her, but oddly didn't seem short. He had puffy pink hair and unusual pink skin, with weird metal piercings in his ear. He also wore a white apron over his other clothing, which Turquoise found odd for some reason. In fact, his whole appearance was so odd that she almost thought the human was a Gem before realizing otherwise.

The human seemed tired, but perked up slightly as he saw the other enter. "Hi, welcome to The Big Donut. What'll you have?" He said, standing up straight.

Turquoise stared at the human with slight confusion. "What's a donut?" She asked, stepping up to the display.

"Oh, you must be kinda new, huh? Sorry, usually the Gems that come into here normally know what donuts are, since that's why they come." The human said. He pointed to the display, specifically at one of the round objects. "That right there's a donut."

"Oh! Well, now the words out front make sense then." Turquoise said in an amused tone. "Well, what are they used for?"

The human chuckled slightly. "They're food. You eat them cause they taste good." The human paused and studied the Gem for a moment. "I bet you're from Homeworld, huh? Coming to visit Earth?"

"Homeworld? Oh, I'm from Little Homeworld if that's what your asking!" The Gem responded.

At that, the human himself became confused. "Huh, really? I've never seen you around there before. Guess I must've missed you. Well, my name's Lars."

"Turquoise. That- That's my name."

"Well Turquoise, you seem awfully interested in those donuts, seeing as how your eyes haven't left the display yet. Would you like to try some? We have a special offer for any Gem who hasn't tried food for one free donut. Helps introduce them to the concept of food." Lars offered.

Turquoise looked away from the display. "That sounds great!" She said with a smile.

Lars nodded and grabbed one of the donuts, one with pink frosting on top of it and colorful sprinkles decorating it randomly. He placed the donut in the bag before handing it to the Gem.

However, when Turquoise grabbed the bag, Lars got a closer look at her. More specifically, at the gemstone in her forehead.

"Wait… Is that… Are you… Peridot?" He asked, confused at the gemstone belonging to one Gem currently in possession of a completely different one.

"Um, no, my name's Turquoise. But wow, thanks for the donut!" She said cheerfully, turning around and walking towards the door.

As she ducked out of the doorway, Lars caught a glimpse at the gemstone in her back. "L… Lapis?" He said to himself.

It was only when she flew set a did it click in the poor boy's head. "Wait… but that would mean…" He stopped, and then chuckled. "Oh man, they really pulled the wool over my eyes! I'll have to get them back for snagging a free donut."

A pause.

"Wait, I thought Peridot didn't like food?"

~♡~

"Eugh, that's disgusting!"

Despite all the praise the small object received, Turquoise instantly spit out the donut as soon as the donut touched her mouth. She had taken to eating it as she flew through the air, but had to pause once the taste finally reached her.

Somehow the taste didn't overtly bother part of her, yet was extremely distasteful to another part. The contrasting taste made her severely _not _like the donut.

_'A shame. That Lars human did say they were good. Maybe only humans like them?'_ She thought.

A yawn left her mouth as her eyelids started to droop. She looked around for a place to set down, and found a large beacon-like tower, looming over a cliff on the beach. She flew up to the top of the tower, settling down on the roof.

"Well, despite that little bump with that donut, this was… amazing. This has been such a beautiful night." She said, leaning back on all four of her hands.

"But, I really wanna rest right now. I'm feeling quite tired." She said, her eyes slowly shutting.

Without even thinking, a few, slurred words escaped her mouth.

"I really… hope you guys... let me do this again." She said, not even registering having said it or realizing who she was talking to.

With a yawn she shut her eyes. And the top of the tower glowed a bright color.

In Turquoise's place, stood two Gems, Peridot and Lapis, in a dipped position. They both stared at each other with wide, startled eyes.

Lapis quickly stood up, and Peridot took two steps back. The blue Gem still stared at the green Gem, not able to look a way.

"We… We completely… Lapis, I-I…" Peridot stuttered, trying to figure out the right words to say to her partner.

Lapis kept staring at Peridot, not saying anything. The air was thick with tension as the two couldn't do anything.

Until she started laughing.

It seemed like a nervous one at first. One could have mistaken it as an attempt to break the tension. But slowly, the laughter grew more confident as Lapis let it freely flow from her mouth.

Peridot kept staring as the genuine, happy, and boisterous laughter fill the air like music from an orchestra. Soon, the smaller Gem herself joined in on the laughter, enjoying how good it felt to be this happy.

Lapis rushed towards Peridot, enveloping her in a tight yet somehow gentle hug. One she quickly reciprocated.

"Thank you, Peri…" Lapis whispered, still hugging her tight.

Peridot nuzzled closer into the hug. "Thank _you, _Lapis."

~♡~

Turquoise came out to 'play' more after that.

She found out a lot of things after that. She found out what those gemstones were (and how they related to the parts of her mind that made up her). She learned about the city, about the people inhabiting it.

She met new people. She met the Crystal Gems, who she was immediately met with open arms to (Steven was especially ecstatic at this new development). She met Bismuth, whom she quickly warmed up to.

She discovered new things, new locations.

She discovered what it meant to be herself. Not two people, not one person, but an _experience, _the physical representation of the trust and caring between two Gems.

Lapis and Peridot also discovered something about themselves.

How much they truly mean to each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
